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Why we have to stop answering our own questions

Most of us believe we have to talk in order to be persuasive, but one of the best ways is to ask good questions, listen to the answers, and integrate those answers into the way forward, acknowledging the person who contributed. 

PeterBregman.com: If You Want People to Listen, Stop Talking, 2015-May-26 by Peter Bregman Tq150605ldl

It is easy to fall into the habit of persuasion by argument. But arguing does not change minds — if anything, it makes people more intransigent. Silence is a greatly underestimated source of power. In silence, we can hear not only what is being said but also what is not being said. In silence, it can be easier to reach the truth....

I could tell what George was doing, because when he decided to speak, he was able to articulate each person’s position. And, when he spoke about what they said, he looked at them in acknowledgement, and he linked what they had said to the larger outcome they were pursuing.

Here’s what’s interesting: Because it was clear that George had heard them, people did not argue with him. And, because he had heard them, his perspective was the wisest in the room....

“When you ask a question into a group,” he told me, “think of it as a competition. If you answer your own question, you’ve lost."

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