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3 posts from August 2016

Trying to keep trying harder

Feeling stalled is a dangerous perspective. We have to see the possibilities and not the obstacles. Or see the obstacles as possibilities.

Seth's Blog: Effort, 2016-Jul-12 by Seth Godin

Usually, what we do is, "try our best under the circumstances."

So, you're getting good service, but if the CEO's daughter was here, you can bet she'd be getting better service.

So, you're running hard as you train, but you can bet that if you were approaching the finish line at the Olympics, you'd be running harder.

The trick: don't redefine trying. Redefine the circumstances.

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How telling better stories can make us happier

We are hearing more and more reasons to develop our storytelling skills. This article includes quite a few helpful tips. 

Wall Street Journal: Why Good Storytellers Are Happier in Life and in Love, 2016-July-4 by Elizabeth Bernstein

Tell stories of the past, present and future. Highlighting great memories or successes that you had together in the past helps you reconnect. Narrating recent events that have happened to you, or telling a story about a challenge you are facing, helps illuminate what matters to you. Weaving a story of a future event as you’d like it to happen—a vacation, a child’s wedding, the dance at your 60th anniversary party—can help you visualize what you want for your relationship.

Include your emotions. Show, don’t tell. (“She was wearing a red silk dress and my palms got sweaty.”) “Details can unlock the emotional truths that until now were never spoken out loud,” says Lauren Dowden, a social worker at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine’s Cognitive Neurology and Alzheimer’s Disease Center, as well as a Second City alumna and teacher. She runs a storytelling group for couples where one partner has Alzheimer’s.

Conversely, good stories avoid certain things—cliché, digression, saying too much, not saying enough, lack of attention to the audience and preachiness

Practice. Storytelling is an art form, like playing the piano or creating a garden, says Dr. Winter, the literary critic. “You can start with something simple and it might be satisfying, but it might not be as good or as true as it can be.”

Dr. Winter suggests the three Rs: Reflect on the events. Refine what they meant to you. Read. “Learn from the masters,” she says. 

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Why getting to NO is a better start than fishing for a YES, via Chris Voss

We can enjoy a terrific interview with Chris Voss published by Talks at Google. Chris is the reigning educator on negotiating skills, and his book is Never Split the Difference

  • Yes is a commitment, no is protection (not a problem, just a good beginning)
  • Make your counterpart (not adversary!) feel safe, and they grow more creative
  • Hesitate and let your counterpart think
  • Don't ask for a 'few minutes to talk,' instead say... 'is now a bad time to talk'?
  • Summarize the other person's point of view, even if it's not in your favor. Get them to say 'That's right' because that means they know you've recognized their interests. Now you have a shared truth.

And so much more, and it's fun as well as informative.